Efésios 4

Efésios 4:32

Lenski - Let us put this plainly since even pastors misunderstand it. The moment a man wrongs me I must forgive him. Then my soul is free. If I hold the wrong against him I sin against God and against him and jeopardize my forgiveness with God. Whether the man repents, makes amends, asks my pardon or not, makes no difference. I have instantly forgiven him. He must face God with the wrong he has done; but that is his affair and God’s and not mine save that in the case he is a brother I should help him according to Mt 18:15, etc. But whether this succeeds or not and before this even begins I must forgive him. (Lenski, R. C. H. (1937). The Interpretation of St. Paul's Epistles to the Galatians, to the Ephesians and to the Philippians. Columbus, O.: Lutheran Book Concern) ILLUSTRATION - When missionaries in northern Alaska were translating the Bible into the language of the Eskimos, they discovered there was no word in that language for forgiveness. After much patient listening, however, they discovered a word that means, “not being able to think about it anymore.” That word was used throughout the translation to represent forgiveness, because God’s promise to repentant sinners is, “I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more” (Jer. 31:34). J Ligon Duncan has a good word on this section... We’re going to do it (forgive) because we have realized that that is exactly what God has done to us. He has been kind to us when we have not deserved to be kind to. He has been forgiving of us when we did not deserve forgiveness. And so you see, the Apostle Paul is saying ‘This is the key, friends.’ It is only when you realize that you are the recipient of a kindness that you did not deserve, it is only when you realize that you are the recipient of a forgiveness that you did not deserve, that you are then suddenly freed from the power of your bitterness to realize that God has been better to you than you dared dream; and that in His love and kindness and goodness to you, He has set you free to be kind to those who don’t deserve to be kind to in this life, and to forgive those who have deeply offended you and who don’t deserve to be forgiven. He’s freed you! How? By simply telling you to do it? No. By showing you His love and kindness and forgiveness first, and showing it to you in such a lavish way that it literally changes your life. You know, Jesus tells a story of a woman just like that. Back in Luke again, it’s in Luke 7. It’s the story of that immoral woman, a woman with a terrible reputation in the community, and she shows up at the house where Jesus is staying one day, and she begins to anoint His feet. And the Pharisees that are there are indignant: ‘If this man were really a prophet, he’d know what kind of a woman was touching his feet!’ And you remember Jesus turns to them and He says ‘Let me tell you a story.’ And He tells them a story, and the punch line is found in Luke 7:47. And He says ‘You know what? This woman loves much because she has been forgiven much, and you love little because you have been forgiven little.’ In other words, Jesus is attacking their attitude. They didn’t think they needed forgiveness, and consequently they didn’t love Him like they ought to. But this woman knew that she needed forgiveness, and she had received the gracious forgiveness of Jesus Christ, and she loved Him with all her heart. It had radically changed her life. And you see, Paul’s point, as Jesus’ point, is simply this: that those who have been forgiven much are able to love and forgive much. Those who realize that they have been forgiven much by God in Christ are thus disposed to love much and are prepared to forgive. So the secret of not living this life of bitterness and instead living this life of kindness and forgiveness, is realizing the grace of God to us in Jesus Christ. And if you haven’t realized the greatness of this grace, I can tell you, my friends, you can’t do what the Apostle Paul is asking you to do this morning. In that area of your deepest wounding in this life, there has just got to be more than some pundit’s standing up and telling you ‘Stop being bitter. Start being kind and forgiving.’ There’s got to be more. There’s got to be a prevailing, supernatural, overwhelming experience of the forgiveness and love of God in your life in Christ Jesus. But when that prevailing, powerful, supernatural, experience of the love of God, the forgiveness of God, the kindness of God in Christ comes, it sets us free to stop being turned in on ourselves and nurse our bitterness, and to deny ourselves and give ourselves away in love and forgiveness. And that’s what the Apostle Paul is saying today. He’s saying that we’re to be kind and forgiving to one another, precisely because we realize how kind and forgiving God our Father has been to us in Jesus Christ. (Read his full sermon message Bitterness, Forgiveness, and Being Like God) Chuck Swindoll (quoted by Ligon Duncan) had these insightful words on attitude - The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts, it’s more important that the past, it’s more important than education, it’s more important than money, circumstances, failures, successes. It’s more important than what other people think or say or do. It’s more importance than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, or a home. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string that we have, and that is our attitude. I’m convinced that life is ten percent of what happens to me and ninety percent of how I react to it. Wayne Barber... Let’s look at the wellspring that we have in Christ. What a difference! Again he puts the source at the end of the verse. Look at what he says - "And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." All the forgiveness that we are able to show towards others is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. You have the "wellspring of life" on one side. You have the cesspool of death on the other side. You have a choice of which garment you are going to put on. It is a constant thing every single day of our life. Paul says, "Be kind to one another." The word "kindness" (See related word chrestotes) is the word that means to furnish what is needed. In other words, the kindness here means I am useful to others. My kindness is going to express itself in the need that I perceive as I am around others. This kindness is not just an attitude inside. It is an expression of that attitude. I may see somebody hurting, or you may see them. I am not responsible for everybody and neither are you. You are responsible for what is in the sphere of your relationships and I am responsible for what is in the sphere of my relationships. When I begin to discern that somebody close to me is hurting, then immediately the kindness of Jesus turns on and is going to reach out to that person to do something. Whatever is useful and needful is what kindness is all about. That is Christ working in us, being considerate of one another, concerned for one another. TENDER-HEARTED The next word he uses there is the word tender-hearted. What a tender word. The word means to be full of compassion and pity. You know, the best people to help somebody else are people who have been there themselves. Paul says, "Comfort wherein you have been comforted." It is amazing how God will orchestrate your life and bring people into your walk who are going through the very thing you have just gone through two years back. It is amazing how God does that. Somehow He begins through His own working in our spirit, to create within us a compassion for other people because we have been there and we know what they are headed for or we know what they are going through. The compassion of Jesus then begins to reach out to that person. FORGIVING Well, the last quality is forgiving one another. I think it involves a choice one makes to forgive. Now remember, injury is still the issue. Somebody has injured you and the old garment says, Be bitter and loud and angry. Blow up and be slanderous and abuse them with what you say about them. The new garment says, No. You make a choice. Forgive them. The word for "forgiveness" is charizomai [word study]. It means to release them from a debt they owe and which they can never repay to you. They have offended you to the point they could never come back and "repay" you for what they have done to you. But, you choose in Jesus (Ed: In the power supplied by the Spirit of Christ, cp Eph 3:16+) to release them from that obligation. Paul finishes up and qualifies it, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. You may ask, You mean to tell me you work yourself into a position that you finally deserve God’s forgiveness in your life? No. I am overwhelmed that God even deals with me. I mean daily I am overwhelmed. Some of the things I think and some of the things I do sometimes I wonder... "God, why do you even fool with me?" In Psalm 8:4 David said... What is man, that Thou dost take thought of him? Folks, listen, when we realize how much He has forgiven us, we can turn around and, out of that wellspring of His person and His Spirit's strengthening in our inner man, choose to release someone who has offended us. The next thing we are going to sense in our life is a tender-hearted compassion. Then we are going to sense a kindness that is going to start looking out to see how we can meet that need in our brother or sister’s lives. Now I ask you a question. Which garment would you rather have people wear? I know which one I want everybody to put on, the one that forgives and is kind. But you see, I can’t make choices for you. I can only make choices for me. So tomorrow when we get up, we have one of two garments to put on. One of them is rooted in the cesspool of self. The other is rooted in the wellspring of Christ. That is when the prayer of Ephesians 3:14-21 comes back in, to be strengthened with power. What is the word "power?" (dunamis) It is the ability to do what you couldn’t do outside of Him in the inner man. You accommodate Him by your willingness to choose and obey what His Word has to say. Then your relationships begin to be what they ought to be. (Ephesians 4:31-32: A Brand New Way of Life - 5) John Henry Jowett has the following devotional entitled "Grudges" (based on Lev 19:18) in which he alludes to the importance of forgiveness... HOW searching is that demand upon the soul (referring to Lev 19:18)! My forgiveness of my brother is to be complete. No sullenness is to remain, no sulky temper which so easily gives birth to thunder and lightning. There is to be no painful aloofness, no assumption of a superiority which rains contempt upon the offender. When I forgive, I am not to carry any powder forward on the journey. I am to empty out all my explosives, all my ammunition of anger and revenge. I am not to “bear any grudge.” I cannot meet this demand. It is altogether beyond me. I might utter words of forgiveness, but I cannot reveal a clear, bright, blue sky without a touch of storm brewing anywhere. But the Lord of grace can do it for me. He can change my weather. He can create a new climate. He can “renew a right spirit within me,” (Ps 51:10KJV Ed comment: And I must be enabled by the Spirit Who alone can give the desire and power to forgive the way God forgave me! Php 2:13NLT) and in that holy atmosphere nothing shall live which seeks to poison and destroy. Grudges shall die “like cloud-spots in the dawn.” Revenge, that awful creation of the unclean, feverish soul, shall give place to goodwill, the strong genial presence which makes its home in the new heart. (Devotional - February 13) THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS - A life filled with anger — a church full of angry people — is a pain to the Spirit (Ep 4:30+). He will not work, indeed cannot, for he abides by his own laws. The great evangelist D. L. Moody related a story which demonstrates this truth: I remember one town that Mr. Sankey and I visited. For a week it seemed as if we were beating the air; there was no power in the meetings. At last, one day, I said that perhaps there was someone cultivating the unforgiving spirit. The chairman of our committee, who was sitting next to me, got up and left the meeting right in view of the audience. The arrow had hit the mark, and gone home to the heart of the chairman of the committee. He had had trouble with someone for about six months. He at once hunted up this man and asked him to forgive him. He came to me with tears in his eyes, and said: “I thank God you ever came here.” That night the inquiry room was thronged. We must deal with our anger for the sake of our own souls and the life of the Church. (Hughes, R. K.: Ephesians: The Mystery of the Body of Christ. Crossway Books) Sam Storms has some interesting thoughts on myths and truths related to forgiveness... There is considerable confusion among Christians as to the nature of forgiveness. I want to list five myths about forgiveness, followed by five truths. First, myths about forgiveness: 1) Forgiveness is not forgetting. Why? Because: (a) God does not forget, notwithstanding what you think Jer. 31:34 is saying. This is a metaphor, a word picture, designed to emphasize God's gracious determination not to hold us liable for our sins. (b) It is intellectually and mentally impossible to forget. Try to forget and you can be assured you will remember! (c) It is experientially devastating. Once having successfully "forgotten an offense," any occasion that provokes the memory of it can lead to guilt and shame and depression for having failed so miserably to forget. One becomes unwilling ever to forgive, knowing that they will in all likelihood remember. 2) Forgiveness does not entail the absence of feeling pain. (a) The only way to stop hurting is to stop feeling and the only way to stop feeling is to die emotionally. (b) This myth is one of the primary reasons people refuse to forgive. They know they can't stop feeling the sting of the sin and they don't want to be hypocrites. 3) Forgiveness does not mean you cease longing for justice. Vengeance is not a bad thing. If it were, God would be guilty of a sin (see Ro 12:19+). It's simply that He's better at it than we are. Leave it to Him. Forgiveness does not mean you ignore that a wrong was done or deny that sin was committed. It simply means you decide to let God be the avenger. One reason people refuse to forgive is that they believe to do so would be to minimize the offense . . . . "and that's not fair!" 4) Forgiveness does not mean you make it easy for the offender to hurt you again. He or she may hurt you again. That is their choice. But you must set boundaries on your relationship with them. True love never aids and abets the sin of another. True forgiveness is not incompatible with holding a person accountable for their actions and calling them to repent. Forgiveness does not mean you become a doormat for someone else's sin. 5) Forgiveness is rarely a one-time, climactic event. It is often a life-long process. It may well begin with an act, but it often requires reaffirmation. Second, truths about forgiveness. Paul says we are to forgive "as God in Christ also has forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). The "as" points to two things: we are to forgive "because God forgave us" and "as or in the same way He forgave us." So how did God forgive us? 1) He forgave us by absorbing in himself the destructive and painful consequences of our sin against him. Forgiveness is therefore the decision to live with the painful consequences of another person's sin. You are going to have to do so anyway, so you might as well do it without the bitterness and rancor and hatred. 2) God forgave us in Christ by canceling the debt we owed him. We are no longer held liable for our sins or in any way made to pay for them. To forgive someone thus means you promise not to bring it up to the offender, to others, or to yourself, as a way of using it against them. 3) Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means you resolve to revoke revenge. It means you refuse to let the anger and pain energize an agenda to exact payment, be it emotional, relational, physical, or financial. You cancel the debt by refusing to use past suffering to justify present sin. 4) Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means a determination to do them good rather than evil. See Ro12:20, 21+. 5) God forgave us in Christ by reconciling us to himself, by restoring the relationship our sin had severed. True forgiveness pursues restoration. True forgiveness longs to love again. However, relationship is built on trust, and trust is not built in a day. Also, restoration and reconciliation are not always possible. Said Paul: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Ro 12:18+). (Ephesians 4:17-32) (Ed comment: While reconciliation is the ideal, forgiveness takes only one person, while reconciliation takes two parties. Thus we can personally forgive and yet may not see realization of reconciliation.) BURYING THE HATCHET - Old Joe was dying. For years he had been at odds with Bill, formerly one of his best friends. Wanting to straighten things out, he sent word for Bill to come and see him. When Bill arrived, Joe told him that he was afraid to go into eternity with such a bad feeling between them. Then, very reluctantly and with great effort, Joe apologized for things he had said and done. He also assured Bill that he forgave him for his offenses. Everything seemed fine until Bill turned to go. As he walked out of the room, Joe called out after him, "But, remember, if I get better, this doesn't count!" We may smile at this story. Yet what a clear picture this gives of the way we sometimes treat one another. The forgiveness we profess is often superficial (Ed: Not from the heart, Mt 18:35, Ezek 36:26, 27). It may be prompted by fear, or to gain some selfish advantage, or to clear our conscience--not out of genuine love for God (cf Lk 7:41, 42) and the one who has wronged us. Yes, we may say we forgive, but when the least little friction arises, we are quick to resurrect past grievances (cf God's forgiveness - Isa 38:7, 44:22, Mic 7:19). In short, we like to "bury the hatchet" with the handle sticking out. That way we can easily pick it up again and use it to our advantage. How different is the forgiveness Jesus talked about! (Mt 18:15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22). If our sinless Lord is willing to forgive us--with all our faults--how can we withhold pardon from those who have sinned against us? True Christlike forgiveness buries the hatchet completely. Those who say they will forgive but can't forget, simply bury the hatchet but leave the handle out for immediate use. --D. L. Moody Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends. --Henry Ward Beecher Christ the Lord our debt has paid— All our sins on Him were laid; We like Him should try to live, Always ready to forgive! —Bosch To resent and remember brings strife; To forgive and forget brings peace. For Further Thought - What happens to your fellowship with God when you hold a grudge? (Mt 6:15+). Can you think of someone you need to forgive? For Further Thought - What happens to your fellowship with God when you hold a grudge? (see Mt 6:15+). Can you think of someone you need to forgive? If not would you be willing to pray David's heart searching plea in Ps 139:23, 24? Forgiveness (releasing the "debt" the other party owes you) will "cost" you -- you will have to deny self (Mk 8:34), to deny "your rights" (Php 2:4+), something that you can only do after you have presented your body (everything - spirit, soul, mind, emotions, will, etc) to God as a holy sacrifice, for then His Spirit will enable you by grace to freely forgive for the glory of your Father in heaven. Garth Brooks has a song which says "We buried the hatchet, but left the handle sticking out." One great obstacle of stumbling is non-forgiveness. The hatchet might seem to be buried, but people continue to grab hold of the handle when they want to use it against another. Jesus said if a brother repents, forgive him-that is, bury the hatchet and its handle. How many times, you might ask? As often as the brother repents, we are to forgive (Lk 17:3, 4- where "forgive" = aphiemi [word study] meaning release it, cancel the debt, let it go!). Don't grab hold of buried hatchet handles, for they become stumbling blocks to forgiveness. WHEN FORGIVENESS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE - Corrie ten Boom, author of The Hiding Place, was taken captive and spent time in Nazi concentration camps during World War II. While in prison, Corrie saw incredible abuse, so inhumane that it drove the prisoners to incredible depths, including intentionally allowing lice to breed on their bodies because the more lice they had, the less likely it would be that the guards would molest them! And Corrie even witnessed the death of her own dear sister. After the war, God sent Corrie ten Boom on a mission of mercy through the war-torn cities to encourage residents to choose forgiveness over bitterness. She would motivate her audiences by sharing some of the atrocities she had experienced, implying that if she could forgive such horrors, so could her listeners. One night speaking, she immediately recognized the man who came walking down the aisle as a particularly cruel guards in one of the concentration camps. The man did not recognize her however. As he approached Corrie he said... Fraulein, you don't know me, but I was a guard in one of those camps. After the war, God saved me. I wish I could go back and undo those years. I can't, but I've just been prompted by God to come tonight and ask you, would you please forgive me? Then he extended his hand to her. Can you imagine the horrible thoughts and memories that raced through Corrie's mind as she recognized his face and then even worse, heard his incredible plea for forgiveness? How could she? Corrie said her arms froze at her side and she was literally unable to move. The flashbacks in her mind replaying the atrocities, the death of her sister, the abuse. And then God's Spirit said to her, Corrie, what have you been telling everyone else to do? As an act of your will, will you choose to forgive? Corrie went on to explain what happened next... I reached out my hand, and I put it in his, and I said, 'You're forgiven. She later reported that at that moment... It was like a dam broke loose—all the bitterness and resentment—and God set me free. Indeed Jesus said that if we abide in His Word, we would know the truth and that the truth would set us free. (Jn 8:31, 32) But "abiding" (continuing) in His Word is not simply hearing His Word or even just knowing His Word, but most critically includes obeying His Word. When we know the truth about what God says about forgiveness and make the conscious choice (impelled and empowered by His Spirit and His amazing grace sufficient for our every weakness, 2Co 12:9+, 2Co 12:10+), we will be set free by the Son and when He frees us we are free indeed. Remember that this freedom is not the right to do as you would, but the power to obey as you ought. (Jn 8:31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36) Later Corrie said... You never so touch the ocean of God's love as when you forgive and love your enemies. ARE YOU STILL RINGING THE BELL? - Corrie ten Boom told of not being able to forget a wrong that had been done to her. She had forgiven the person, but she kept rehashing the incident and so couldn't sleep. Finally Corrie cried out to God for help in putting the problem to rest. "His help came in the form of a kindly Lutheran pastor," Corrie wrote, "to whom I confessed my failure after two sleepless weeks." "Up in the church tower," he said, nodding out the window, "is a bell which is rung by pulling on a rope. But you know what? After the sexton lets go of the rope, the bell keeps on swinging. First ding, then dong. Slower and slower until there's a final dong and it stops. I believe the same thing is true of forgiveness. When we forgive, we take our hand off the rope. But if we've been tugging at our grievances for a long time, we mustn't be surprised if the old angry thoughts keep coming for a while. They're just the ding-dongs of the old bell slowing down." "And so it proved to be. There were a few more midnight reverberations, a couple of dings when the subject came up in my conversations, but the force -- which was my willingness in the matter -- had gone out of them. They came less and less often and at the last stopped altogether: we can trust God not only above our emotions, but also above our thoughts." THOUGHTS ON FORGIVENESS BY CHARLES SWINDOLL - (borrow David A Man of Passion & Destiny page 252) - While taking this in-depth journey through the life of David, I don’t want to just give you just geography and genealogy. My desire is not to have you walk away with a notebook full of chronological and biographical facts. My hope is to have you see David as a real person and then to see comparisons and opportunities in your own life so that you begin to emulate the qualities that made him a man after God’s own heart. One of those qualities is a forgiving spirit. This attribute also happens to be one of the most difficult to acquire. In fact, instead of fully forgiving someone, most folks opt for one of three different responses. THREE DIFFERENT RESPONSES (1) Instead of complete forgiveness, we offer conditional forgiveness. “I will forgive you IF . . . ” or, “I will forgive you AS SOON AS . . . ”; “If you come back and make things right, I’ll forgive you,” or, “If you own up to your part of the problem, then I’ll forgive you.” That’s conditional forgiveness. It says, “I’m waiting, waiting like a tiger swishing his tail. You make your move, and I’ll determine whether it’s time to back away or pounce and bite.” (2) The second kind of forgiveness that’s less than perfect is partial forgiveness. “I forgive you, but don’t expect me to forget.” Or, “I forgive you, but just get out of my life.” Or, “I’ll forgive you until that happens again.” There are a lot of people we are willing to forgive . . . just so we don’t have to see them again. (3) The third response is delayed forgiveness. “I’ll forgive you, but just give me some time. Someday, sometime I’ll follow through, I’ll forgive you.” This is a common reaction of someone who has been deeply hurt . . . and has nursed that hurt over the years. Most of us would rather sit on a judgment seat than a mercy seat. If somebody “did us wrong,” we’d rather watch him squirm in misery than smile in relief. UNFORGIVING... DRAMATIC, DOWNWARD EFFECT Yet forgiveness isn’t just about the other person; it’s also about us. When we are unforgiving, it has a dramatic, downward effect on our own life. First of all, there is an offense. And if there isn’t forgiveness after the offense, then resentment begins to build. And if there isn’t forgiveness following that resentment, then hatred comes to take its place. Sustained hatred leads to grudge. And grudge ultimately settles into revenge. “I’m just biding my time. And when I have my chance I’ll get back.” I openly confess, several years ago I couldn’t have written this chapter. I hadn’t really come to terms with these things in my own life. Thank God, since He has helped me deal with this, today I can honestly say I do not know of an individual I have not forgiven . . . and I write that with no sense of pride. Who am I to brag, having nursed an unforgiving spirit far too long? I say it with thankfulness and relief. I say it in humble honesty to encourage you to know that it can happen. Now let me go another step further. While I don’t feel resentment toward anyone, I still wrestle with this issue on a regular basis. Every week, it seems, I have to come to terms with not letting some offense linger and lead me back into resentment. I have to deal with it at the offense level or I’m a goner. If I didn’t, before realizing it, I’d be all the way to revenge..... Swindoll goes on to use the example of Shimei cursing David (2Sa 16:5) and David's willingness to forgive him (2Sa 19:16-23+). Here are wise words from Swindoll on how we forgive the "Shimei's" in our life! HOW TO HANDLE "SHIMEI" IN YOUR LIFE How could David forgive a “reptile” like this Shimei? Well, first of all, he kept his vertical focus clear. “God, You and I can handle this. You take care of that offense. You’re good at offenses.” I have discovered great strength in taking any offense immediately to God. I mean, immediately. There is something very stabilizing in getting vertical perspective on a situation before seeking any horizontal counsel. Second, David was very much aware of his own failure. The humbled forgiven make good forgivers. David knew only too well what it meant to be a sinner. He knew what it meant to be forgiven by the Lord. He knew the heartache of having done wrong . . . the cleansing feeling—the relief, the sense of burden lifted—that follows repentance and forgiveness. Those horrible months when he was humbled before his God seasoned David and made him merciful. Being well aware of his own shortcomings gave him great patience with another’s wrongdoing. The proud have a hard time forgiving. Those who have never recognized their own failures have a tough time tolerating, understanding, and forgiving the failure of others. If we are to develop a spirit of forgiveness in our own lives, if we are to put forgiveness into action, we need to do several things. SOME SOUND ADVICE TO HELP US FORGIVE First, we must cultivate a thicker layer of skin, a buffer to take those jolts that come our way. We need to ask for God’s help with this. “Lord, help me not to be so sensitive, so thin-skinned. Lord, take away this delicate china-doll mentality of mine and give me depth. Toughen my hide. Calm my responses. Make me patient with those who speak too quickly. Make me like Christ.” This will help us keep our sense of balance so that the slightest push does not send us toppling over, and so that we can bounce back from whatever hits us. Second, we can try to understand where the offender is coming from. This takes a lot of grace, but, again, God is good at grace. Try to see beyond the offense and find the little boy inside that man lashing out at you . . . or the little girl inside that woman who is striking back. Try to find out what is behind their offensive words or behavior. You may be surprised how helpful that can be! Who knows? David may have seen a touch of his old immature self in Shimei as those rocks came whizzing by. Sometimes we make things more complicated than they really are. Maybe the critics have been saving up their own offenses and have chosen this moment to use you as a punching bag. Maybe they are just having a bad day. A guy gets yelled at at work. He goes home and screams at his wife. She then becomes angry with one of the kids. The kid walks out and boots the cat. And the cat prowls all night trying to find some innocent creature to bite! That’s the kind of chain reaction that happens when we don’t stay calm and deal honestly and act graciously with each other. I’m not saying it is easy or suggesting it comes naturally. But neither is it impossible. Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes often helps us objectify their reaction. Our Savior did that even while hanging on the cross. He looked at His accusers and prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk. 23:34+). In that one statement, we realize how our Lord viewed His enemies. Third, we should recall times in our own life when we have needed forgiveness and then apply the same emotion. All of us, at one time or another, have done or said something dumb or extreme or offensive and have needed someone’s forgiveness. This happens between friends, in families, at work, at school, and, yes, even at church. We must be candid about this—nobody is above the drag of humanity. When it kicks in, we can be as ugly or vile or ornery as the other guy. I pray for this kind of authenticity all the time. “Keep me authentic, Lord. Take every phony-baloney cell out of my body. Just keep me real.” Fourth, we need to verbalize our forgiveness. Say it, don’t just think it. Spoken words of forgiveness and graciousness are marvelously therapeutic to the offender, no matter how small or great the offense. Saying our feelings removes all doubt. Stuart Briscoe writes: Some years ago a fashionably dressed woman came to my study, very distressed. She had made a commitment to the Lord a few days earlier but had asked to see me because something was troubling her. She poured out an unpleasant story concerning an affair she had been having with one of her husband’s friends. Then she insisted that her husband should know, and that I should tell him! That was a new experience for me! After some discussion with the woman, I called the husband. When he arrived at my study, I told him what had happened. His response was a remarkable and beautiful thing to behold. Turning to his tearful and fearful wife, he said, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s make a new start.” (Borrow Briscoe's book What Works When Life Doesn't) Many things had to be straightened out and much hurt had to be healed, but his response of forgiveness, made possible by his own understanding of the forgiveness of God, became the basis of a new joy and a new life. Our typical human response to offense is to try all the wrong things: silence, resentment, grudge, indifference, even plotting a way to maneuver and manipulate to get our offender in a vulnerable spot so we can twist the verbal knife, once we’ve plunged it in. None of this pleases God . . . nor does it work! Cultivating a forgiving spirit is a very real problem that every one of us wrestles with. We need a heart of full forgiveness and grace in our family relationships, in our work and school relationships, certainly in our church relationships. We need to put feet to the hope that is within us. In his book, You Can Win With Love (borrow book), Dale Galloway tells a story about John D. Rockefeller, the man who built the great Standard Oil empire. Not surprisingly, Rockefeller was a man who demanded high performance from his company executives. Then, one day, one of those executives made a two million dollar mistake. Word of the man’s enormous error quickly spread throughout the executive offices, and the other men began to make themselves scarce. Afraid of Rockefeller’s reaction, they didn’t even want to cross his path. One man didn’t have any choice, however, since he had an appointment with the boss. So he straightened his shoulders and tightened his belt and walked into Rockefeller’s office. As he approached the oil monarch’s desk, Rockefeller looked up from the piece of paper upon which he was writing. “I guess you’ve heard about the two million dollar mistake our friend made,” he said abruptly. “Yes,” the executive said, expecting Rockefeller to explode. “Well, I’ve been sitting here listing all of our friend’s good qualities on this sheet of paper, and I’ve discovered that in the past he has made us many more times the amount he lost for us today by his one mistake. His good points far outweigh this one human error. So I think we ought to forgive him, don’t you?” Whether it’s a two million dollar mistake or a one-sentence off-the-cuff comment, we need to respond with Christlike grace and complete forgiveness. Like David, we need a soft heart and thick skin, we need vertical focus . . . and we need an awareness of our own failures and our own need for forgiveness. (borrow David A Man of Passion & Destiny page 252) The Cycle Of Forgiveness - Perhaps you've seen the Vietnam War picture of Kim Phuc, a 9-year-old girl running naked in terror from her village, hoping to escape the horror of napalm that was burning her skin. The day was June 8, 1972. The pilot of the South Vietnamese plane was carrying out orders to bomb enemy troop positions in the village of Trang Bang. Twenty-four years later, Kim Phuc was invited to Washington in 1996 to speak at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial and to place a wreath of flowers to honor the US troops who had given their lives during the war. Kim had said previously that if she could talk to the pilot who dropped the napalm on her, she would forgive him. The person who introduced Kim stated, "An innocent victim of war, she holds no anger at the United States. She feels no anger at the government of Vietnam. She feels no anger at the man who dropped the napalm on her." Jesus came our debt to pay, Saved our soul in grace one day; So in love we all should live, Ready always to forgive. --Bosch When it seems you can't forgive, remember how much you've been forgiven. Are You Good At Forgiving? - Is it possible to measure a Christian's spiritual maturity? Certainly we cannot judge it by the length or even the content of one's prayers. Too much public praying is done for its effect on the "listeners" instead of the "Listener." (Amen!) Even the generosity of one's giving is not an infallible test of spirituality, for it too may be for personal recognition or easing of a guilty conscience. Perhaps the surest test is the ability to forgive. Is it hard to forgive a person who has offended us? When we look to Jesus as our example, how are we doing? The more we become like Him, the easier it will be to forgive others. When we think of how much He has forgiven us, we should be willing in turn to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32+). British pastor and evangelist John Wesley (1703-1791) was traveling with General James Oglethorpe, who was angry with one of his subordinates. The man came to the general and humbly asked for forgiveness, but he was gruffly told, "I never forgive!" Wesley looked the general in the eye and said, "Then I hope, sir, that you never sin." I found a little remedy To ease the life we live And make each day a happier one: It is the word "forgive" —Anon. When it seems you can't forgive, remember how much you've been forgiven. Illustration - The Forgiveness Flower - A girl was asked what forgiveness is. She gave the following beautiful answer: "It is the odor the flowers give off when they are trampled upon." For the merciful Christian (Jas 2:13, Mt 5:7+), this odor reaches far, far away, even up to the judgment seat of Christ (2Cor 5:10) so that the Christian need not shrink back when he gets there. One day when Stan Mooneyham was walking along a trail in East Africa with some friends, he became aware of a delightful odor that filled the air. He looked up in the trees and around at the bushes in an effort to discover where it was coming from. Then his friends told him to look down at the small blue flower growing along the path. Each time they crushed the tiny blossoms under their feet, more of its sweet perfume was released into the air. Then his friends said, "We call it the forgiveness flower." This forgiveness flower does not wait until we ask forgiveness for crushing it. It does not release its fragrance in measured doses or hold us to a reciprocal arrangement. It does not ask for an apology; it merely lives up to its name and forgives-freely, fully, richly. What a touching example of outrageous forgiveness! Forgiveness and the Lord's Prayer Ray Pritchard (Mt 6:12+) - When we pray, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” we are asking God to forgive our sins according to the same standard we have used in forgiving the sins of others. There are 11 words in the text, but only one of them is important for our purposes. It’s the little word “as.” Everything hangs on the meaning of that word. “As” is the conjunction that joins the first half of the petition with the second half. When Jesus says “as,” he is setting up a comparison between the way we forgive and the way God forgives us (See discussion of importance of terms of comparison). This text says that we set the standard and then God follows the standard. We establish the pattern and then God follows that pattern in the way he deals with us. When you pray this prayer you are really saying, “O God, deal with me as I deal with other people. Deal with me as I have dealt with others.” We are virtually saying, “O God, I’ve got a neighbor and I did some favors for my neighbor and my neighbor is ungrateful to me for all I have done. I am angry with my neighbor and I will not forgive him for his ingratitude. Now deal with me as I have dealt with my neighbor.” It’s as if we’re praying, “O God, that man hurt me. I am so angry I can’t wait to get even. Deal with me as I have dealt with him.” We set the standard and God follows our lead. Unless you forgive you will not be forgiven. To refuse to forgive someone else and then to ask God for forgiveness is a kind of spiritual schizophrenia. You are asking God to give you what you are unwilling to give to someone else. The fifth petition of the Lord’s Prayer tells us you cannot have it both ways. Do you want to be forgiven? You must forgive others. A Serious Word to the Unforgiving But does the Bible really teach that God’s forgiveness of us is somehow linked to our forgiveness of others? Yes, indeed it does. Let’s go back to the words of Jesus. The fifth petition is in verse 12. Now drop down two verses. The Lord’s Prayer is over but Jesus is still speaking. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Mt 6:14-15). I call one crucial fact to your attention: Jesus has just given us the Lord’s Prayer and the only part that he singles out for additional commentary is the fifth petition. All the others he leaves alone. I believe he offered further commentary because he knew that we would feel uncomfortable with this part of the Lord’s Prayer. He knew that we would try to wiggle out from under it. That is why in verses 14-15 he spells it out so clearly that no one can doubt it. An “Unforgiven” Christian As strange as it may sound, there is such a thing as an “unforgiven” Christian. This is not a statement about ultimate destinies. To be “unforgiven” in this sense means that the channel of God’s grace is blocked from the human side. In particular, it means that you have chosen to hang on to your bitterness and to forfeit your daily walk with the Lord. You would rather be angry than joyful. You have chosen resentment over peace. Your grudges have become more important to you than the daily blessing of God. You would rather live with the “hidden torturers” than experience the freedom of forgiveness (Mt 18:34, 35). If you are a Christian—a genuine believer in Jesus Christ—unless you forgive you will not be forgiven. Why? Because God has already forgiven your sins 100% by the blood of Jesus Christ (Eph 1:7, Col 1:14, Mt 26:28 = one of the foundational truths of the New Covenant). How dare you, then, be unforgiving to someone who hurt you? That’s really the issue. How dare you be unforgiving after what Jesus Christ did for you on the cross? (Meditate on Galatians 6:14 - learn to boast in the Cross if you are not already doing so.) What happens when we refuse to forgive? Here are ten consequences of an unforgiving spirit. (I compiled this list using material from R. T. Kendall, Waylon Moore, and Calvary missionary Bob Leland.) 1. Our fellowship with the Father is blocked. 2. The Holy Spirit is grieved. (cp Eph 4:30, 31, 32) 3. Your prayers will not be answered. (Ps 66:18) (Ed: "Regard" means to look with favor upon or even conveys the sense of "to plan" - cf "make provision" in Ro 13:14) 4. God leaves you alone to face the problems of life in your own power. (Mt 18:34, 35) 5. The devil gains a foothold through your bitterness. (Ep 4:29) 6. You force God to become your enemy. 7. You lose the blessing of God on your life. 8. You waste time nursing a wounded spirit. 9. You become enslaved to the people you hate. (The opposite of obeying - Jn 8:31, 32) 10. You become like the people you refuse to forgive. Our real problem at this point is not theological. Our real problem is personal. We don’t see ourselves as very great sinners; therefore, we do not appreciate how greatly God has forgiven us (Ed: Think Ps 103:12, Mic 7:18, 19, Isa 38:17, 43:25). But when your own sins seem small, the sins of others against you will seem big indeed. (cp Mt 7:3, 4) The reverse is also true. The greater you see the depth of your sin before God, the less the sins of other people against you will bother you (Ed: And the greater you see the Cross, Gal 6:14, the greater less the sin of others will seem in comparison to my sin which cost God's Son's life on the Cross!). If you think you’re not much of a sinner, then the offenses of other people are going to appear in your eyes as big. Don’t talk about repentance unless you are willing to forgive your brothers and sisters. Unless you are willing to forgive, your repentance is just so much hot air and empty talk. True repentance always starts with a change of mind that leads to a change of heart that leads to a change (in this case) in the way we view those who have sinned against us. How do we know when we have truly forgiven? What does forgiveness look like? The answer will vary depending on the person involved and what they did to you. Here are a few helpful guidelines (taken partly from Kendall and also from a list by the Puritan author Thomas Watson, as supplied by Waylon Moore): We know we've forgiven them when we... 1. Face what they did and forgive them anyway 2. Don’t keep bringing it up to them. 3. Don’t talk about it to others. 4. Show mercy instead of judgment. (Mt 5:7, Jas 2:13) 5. Refuse to speak evil of others. 6. Choose not to dwell on it. 7. Pray for them. (Mt 5:44) 8. Ask God to bless them. (Ro 12:14) 9. Do not rejoice at their calamities. (1 Cor 13:5 -- "does not take into account a wrong suffered") 10. Help them when you can. Needed: A Serious Moral Inventory Jesus is telling us that there is a vital link between the way you treat other people and the way God in heaven is going to treat you. Let’s face it. We don’t like that. On one level we tend to think it would be good if we could hate someone for what they did to us and still have the blessings of God, still be filled with the Spirit, still walk in joy every day, still radiate the love of Jesus, and still have our prayers answered. We’d much prefer if we could just have our relationship with God insulated and encapsulated so we could treat other people any way we like. Jesus says, “No deal. You can’t have it that way.” Unless you forgive you will not be forgiven. This is a hard word, isn’t it? But it is a hard word of grace. Many of us desperately need to take a searching moral inventory and ask ourselves some serious questions: Am I up to date on my forgiving? Am I holding a grudge against anyone? Do I harbor any bitterness against any person? Am I talking too much about what others have done to me? Have I forgiven those closest to me who have hurt me so deeply? Someone says, “But I can’t forgive.” No, don’t ever say that. The word “can’t” is a cop-out. The issue is deeper than that. You won’t forgive. Don’t make excuses and don’t play games. If you are a true Christian, a genuine believer in Jesus Christ, if your sins have been washed away, then you can forgive. What God has done for you, you can do for others. There may be some people who won’t forgive. As long as you won’t forgive you’re better off if you never pray the Lord’s Prayer because unless you forgive you will not be forgiven. And in all of this we have the example of our Lord Jesus Christ who when he was crucified—the innocent for the guilty—the just for the unjust—the righteous for the unrighteous—Jesus, who was murdered at the hands of wicked men, as he hung on the cross cried out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Lk 23:34) A Place To Begin Let’s wrap up this sermon with three simple statements of application. 1. You are never closer to the grace of Jesus Christ than when you confess your sins to him. Are you laboring under a burden of guilt because of foolish things you have said or done? A sense of your own sin is a sign of God’s grace at work in your heart. When you cry out, “God be merciful to me, a sinner,” you will find that the Father will not turn you away. 2. You are never more like Jesus than when you forgive those who have sinned against you. Do you want to be like Jesus? Become a great forgiver. Jesus was a forgiving Man. He came to create a race of forgiving men and women. 3. You will never fully enter into your freedom in Christ until you learn the freedom of forgiveness. The two freedoms go together. As long as you hold on to your resentments, you are still chained to the past. You only hurt yourself. By refusing to forgive, you block off the channel of God’s blessing in your life (cp Jas 4:6, Eph 4:30). Although there is freedom in Christ, the unforgiving Christian knows nothing about it. He is still in bondage to the remembered hurts from the past. Until those chains are broken by a decisive act of forgiveness, he will remain a slave to the past. I have said several times that this is a hard word and indeed it is. But it is also a cleansing word that cuts through all our flimsy excuses and leads us to a fountain of grace where we can be healed, made whole, and restored to a right relationship with our Creator. Our God freely forgave us (Eph 4:32, Col 3:13) while we were his enemies. Can we not do for others what he has done for us? The word of the Lord remains. Unless you forgive you will not be forgiven. Father in heaven, we thank you for the cleansing Word of God that cuts through all of our flimsy excuses. We praise you because that same Word of God is also able to make us whole and right in your eyes. O God, may we not fight against your work in us. Help us to become great forgivers that we ourselves might be forgiven, cleansed, and strengthened to walk closely with you this week. We ask it in the name of Jesus who made our forgiveness possible, Amen. (Forgiveness and the Lord’s Prayer - Keep Believing Ministries) Related Resources Forgive/Forgiveness Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Ephesians 4:32 Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Colossians 3:13 Exposition of "Forgiveness" in Matthew 6:12 and Matthew 6:14-15. Multiple illustrations and quotes related to forgiveness/unforgiveness Study the main NT words for forgive/forgiveness: Forgiveness (859) aphesis Forgive (send away from, cancel the debt, release, let go) (863) aphiemi Forgive (grant, freely give, bestow) (5483) charizomai Excellent 5 Part Sermon Series on Forgiveness by Dr Ray Pritchard: Forgiveness Healing the Hurt We Never Deserved Forgiveness and the Lord's Prayer Judge Not! Is Total Forgiveness Realistic The Final Step-Blessing Your Enemies Forgiveness of Injuries (Mt 18:21-22) by John Angell James Forgiveness of Sins by Henry Law - 17 Chapter Treatise! Father, Forgive Them by Dr. Ray Pritchard Forgiving the Unforgivable by Dr. Ray Pritchard